


Routine

by RageHappyThunder



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 21:26:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RageHappyThunder/pseuds/RageHappyThunder





	Routine

Ray passed the metal razor through his fingers, twirling the cold silver razor around and around. He made a small cut on his shoulder, then another, and another and watched at the beads of blood began to pool and drop. He liked to watch them, like they were his own little rain that he could control. It stung, and every cut gave Ray a rush of adrenaline, that would course through his veins and eventually stop at his stomach. The feeling afterwards, when he had five new cuts and a floor tile dripped with blood, had no name or description latched onto it. Was he disgusted? Confused? Depressed? Ray didn’t even know anymore, this started as a nasty habit in high school, because he felt detached with his peers, he felt like he had no real friends, but he kept his mask on 24/7. He was happy go lucky, and things now, rarely ever got to him. But this stupid little habit from high school, well, it was hard to quit.

No, it wasn’t even like Ray was depressed, yeah people from work would call him a prick and things like that but the words didn’t hurt, his razor did. He wasn’t sad anymore, he had a great job, and a wonderful boyfriend, but every day he would still lock himself in the bathroom and just cut and cut until he looked at himself in the mirror and asked, what the hell am I doing?

Ray hung his head and grabbed either side of the faucet. Then he heard his front door unlock, and a few bag rustle.

“Guess who has chinese food and can’t wait to watch a movie with the one, the only, Ray Narvaez Jr.?” Joel boomed as he opened the door completely, slamming it on the other side of the wall when he opened it too enthusiastically.

“This is awkward, Ray you home?”  

Ray bit back a laugh, “Yeah, I’m in the bathroom!” He then heard Joel shuffle and close the door, and set the food on his counter, he also heard Joel curse as he fucking broke another one of Ray’s plates.

“You okay Joel?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine, now you need to get your fine ass out of here and cuddle.”

Ray laughed and sniffled, he had been holding back tears and didn’t know it.Why the fuck am I upset? Ray then got a towel and dampened it, cringing slightly when the cuts stung. He then shuffled around for his band aid box, opened it and… It was empty. So Ray pulled his sleeve down and grabbed a hoodie, he’d have to just be careful not to bleed on anything.

“You better have what I think you have,” Ray said cheerily as he approached Joel, Joel then lifted up a bowl and handed it off to Ray.

“Pork fried rice and a vegetable roll, plus I have a dick load of fortune cookies we can open when the movie’s done.”

“How much is a dick load?”

“A lot.”

“Is that a standard measurement now?”

“Yeah in many countries such as ‘shut the fuck up Ray,’ and ‘eat your god damn chinese food before I do.”

“Are those new countries? Where are they on the map?”

“Shut up,” Joel said and leaned in to peck Ray on the mouth, “Shut,” kiss, “Up,”another kiss.

Ray laughed and took out two forks from the drawer, then he plopped onto the couch, Joel then followed him and jumped onto the couch too, right next to Ray. He popped the movie in and they sat in silence for a while, eating their food hungrily and watching the movie. It was Ray who finished first and put his empty bowl on the coffee table in front of him, he then leaned back into the couch.  Joel finished about thirty minutes later and did the same, but when he leaned back, he put his arm around Ray and he cuddled up to the older man’s chest. Then Joel put a hand on Ray’s shoulder and started to rub.

And it fucking stung. Ray tried very very hard not to grimace, he liked Joel’s touch, and if only he would stop moving his fucking hand. God damn it Joel. So Ray repositioned himself, multiple times, but each time Joel would just rub his shoulder again. Ray eventually huffed, put his feet up on the couch and sat on Joel’s lap, forcing the older to set his arms around him so ray wouldn’t fall. If Joel was going to rub his cut shoulder all night, might as well get comfortable right?

Then Ray fell asleep. Then Ray was jolted awake.

“Ray, sweetie, dude, wake up,” Joel said, a little bit of panic in his voice. The movie was over, if he wanted to go to bed why wake Ray up like this? Joel then held up his hand to meet Ray’s face, it had some blood on it, he then lifted up Ray’s hand, there was some blood splatters on him too. Fuck. Ray tried to laugh it off.

“Did you finger someone on their period? Because it looks like we just tag teamed on some girl.”  Joel wasn’t laughing.

“Ray lift up your sleeve.”

“No.”

“Ray please, just,” Joel smoothly slide Ray off of him and put the Puerto Rican beside him, “Ray, I just want to see why you’re bleeding.”

Ray hesitated.

“Ray please, trust me, you can tell me anything just,” Joel bit his lip, concern was swimming in his eyes. So, gingerly and slowly, Ray lifted the now blood stained sweat shirt off him, and rolled up his short sleeve shirt underneath. Joel looked at him, no readable expression in his eyes.

“Say something,” Ray pleaded. Joel did better. He grabbed Ray’s wrist and pulled him into a bear crushing hug, Joel then whispered how much he loved Ray and how he would be lost without him, and how he was literally the only person on the planet that could deal with Joel’s bullshit, and that if anyone, anyone at all ever made him feel like he wasn’t worth it, that he was an anchor pulling everyone down, he would punch them in the face so hard they would need a new identity. Ray began to tear, and Joel broke the hug, holding Ray’s hand.

“This was never a cry for help.”

“It seems like it,” Joel sniffled, trying hard not to let the tears he was holding back fall. he then got up, still holding Ray’s hand, and lead him to the bathroom. He grabbed a towel, dampened it, told Ray to sit down and started to gently tend to his cuts.

“When did it start.”

“High school,” Ray breathed out, “I’m not sad or anything, though, really I’m not, it’s just a habit.” Just a stupid habit, Ray muttered under his breath.

When Joel was satisfied with the cuts being clean, he gently caressed every scar, old and new, (He of course washed his hands before). Joel’s touch didn’t sting, but sent a flash of warmth up Ray.

“Break it.”

“What?”  
“Break the habit,” Joel said sternly.

“I-, Okay.”

“Give me your razor.” Ray obeyed and gave Joel the blade.

Joel then grabbed Ray into a hug again.

“Don’t do this ever again.” Ray just shook his head as Joel kissed him, and Ray got that feeling of being in control again, he got that electric adrenaline feeling coursing through his veins and sitting in his stomach after a while. And Joel’s kiss, felt 10X better than the razor did, but didn’t leave a scar, because it didn’t need to leave a scar to remind Ray to feel.


End file.
